Wow...do you ever feel like you have a lot to write about, but no words come to bat when you actually sit down to do it? It's frustrating. I guess that happens even more with me because I'm sort of a moody person. I may not give that impression, but I am. I crave communication, whether it be person-to-person, blogging, writing...

I guess I would call myself weird. I know we kind of all are. I used to say that jokingly, but the more I live the more I see that it's really true. But, you know, there's a strange comfort in knowing that. It's good to know that even your own oddities aren't really that odd, because you're part of a whole race in the same plight.

This seems a little disorganized, probably because it is, but sometimes you just have to start writing and see where it leads. The fact that I haven't written in a while makes it all that more difficult to put my thoughts together into something even vaguely coherent. Yes, that was a joke in case you were wondering. But it's a joke with a fair amount of truth to it.

I've been doing a lot, going through a lot, but most of it is the kinds of things people don't notice unless you tell them. Oddly enough, those are often the most significant things in some ways, because they weigh on you in a way that external events don't. They depend on your mood, your thoughts, your anxieties, and a lot of times they complicate life more than it seems they should. Funny how sometimes you can be more upset about a conversation that didn't go off as planned than running into a telephone pole with your car.

I don't know where I'm trying to go with this. I guess I'm craving a lot right now. That is....I want more than just daily interaction with people. That's the stuff that keeps you from getting kind of nutty like the cat lady next door...it's also the stuff that daily life is made up of. But I am convinced that we were not (most emphatically!) made for just that. I think that phrase "Man cannot live on bread alone" applies to a lot more than just bread. I think it means we can't live just on our daily lives and routines or even on the normal interactions of a day. We need more. It sneaks up on us...that is very true. But if we go on too long without something deeper and more meaningful we suddenly find ourselves gasping for air.

I recently went to a bonfire where a bunch of young Christians, some of whom I knew but many of which I didn't, gathered for discussion and worship and prayer. It was a wonderful experience. Now, though, I want more of it. It left me craving that, because there's something deeply wonderful about meeting with people your same age when you share something so deep. It's so unifying and stabilizing. We hear a lot about "our" life with God, as though our spiritual walk is only between us and God, but I think the Bible, backed up by a lot of hard evidence, makes it clear that it's not. Of course there is always a personal element to our walk, but we are missing so much...even being robbed of so much...when we try to go it alone. It sucks the life out of us. Very slowly. But it does. And then one day you wake up and realize you're gasping for air. It is not good for man to be alone. We are made to encourage and support one another....to LOVE one aother. Why do we crave love so much? Because we NEED it--desperately. Everyone feels it differently, and some have become numb to it and think themselves sufficient. But we need it so much. Do we realize how often the Bible refers to Love? Do we realize how crucial it is, how central it is?

We hear so much about righteousness, obedience, repentance. We hear about doing the right thing, our duty. But why is it that all we see is a pinched-lipped, grim eyed, finger shaking person in the message? Is God anywhere in that?
Why, I ask, did Jesus say, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments."? If you love me. Yes, we can obey Him apart from our Love of Him. But if we are, something is wrong. Do we get the meaning of the words Life, Truth, Love? Do we take lightly the incredible amount of Love that it took for our almighty God to come and simply love us for thirty-three years, to heal us, to grieve over us---and to die? TO DIE. What is it to die? There we stood, helpless and wretched in our misery, and he was moved to tears. This was no begrudging God doing what had to be done and then waiting for us to turn to Him. He WEPT. He loved us. The prostitutes. The adulteress. Judas. And he sheltered us as he stepped forward, gentle hands extended to be tied like a madman's. As he was jerked forward and beaten, warm blood running down His face...as they drove the nails through His hands into the harsh wood beneath Him. Willingly, while his heart tore in two....as His Father turned from him...as the guilt of a thousand grievances came flying into His tear-drenched face. And as He cried,

Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing.



Truly, without love, I am nothing. Do we not understand the deep love our Father has for us? Do we not see the incredible depth of beauty He wants to impart to us?
And don't we understand that our obedience is our gift of love to Him? We are indebted...but it is a debt of love, not duty. Yes, what we do is only what we should have done...we are not giving beyond what we owe...but what a wonderful debt, this debt of Love! And what a beautiful thing that our God looks at the heart!

And now remain three things: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.