In Weakness

Who am I, my savior,
but a tangle of confused desires and fears,
weaknesses and confusion?
Sometimes I feel how little I know myself
with a pain that reaches to my gut.

And the last I want is pity;
The situation warrants none.
Perhaps solidarity,
For I know I am not alone.
But I do not always feel it.

Alone, I want companionship;
With others I fear to lose myself;
In you I have my being.
But it's hard to see sometimes.
I stand still in a tempest.

Buffeted, I am not conquered,
But I wish the storm would cease;
In the calm, the quiet weighs in on me.
Yet sometimes I laugh with the sun --
Sometimes, too, I laugh with the thunder,
Though through tears (or are they raindrops?)

This too, you say, is for my good.
I believe; help my unbelief.
But surely this, too, is to pass?
Surely I will see a victory,
Surely, at least, I will no longer wait alone.
Soon, or later, will I have found my place,
Roots of cedars to stay me in tempests?

For this I pray:
Faith when I doubt,
Humility when I am proud
Repentance for insincerity
Pure love and not self-love
Love of you before all else
And blessings only from your hand.

Surely I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever,
And with my song I will praise you.

Amen.