I AM

My love, you say, is extravagant. Child, you speak the truth: and yet you are untruthful. You are untruthful not with your words but by your actions; for a love so extravagant merits one response from you. My love, child, is more extravagant than you could imagine. And yes, I know you have seen it, in part, a little. But your eyes drop from mine too quickly; you will not even come close enough to kiss my feet. There, in dark and drab, you remain, longing, bleeding to be loved, but not daring to come closer. Sometimes I have seen you, gazing at me from afar, with tearful eyes, the little love you can muster from within welling forth. I see you and I know your desire to love me. But too quickly, before you have laid fast hold of my feet, you withdraw further again into the darkness, eyes cast down. You say, quietly (you think no one can hear you), "I am not worthy." My dear child, I know you are not worthy. But do you think I have this form, face and hands and feet and flesh and blood, to remain at a distance from you? Yes, my love is extravagant. It cannot be earned. I love you, my dear one. I want you to raise your eyes to me, just a little longer than you have. Look, and you will see that I have made myself weak like you, and yet I am stronger than you will ever be. You see the dirt on your body; look--look! See the dirt that covered mine. You bleed because of your wounds; I bleed because of your wounds. Do you think I have undertaken all this for the worthy? My greatest human act of love cries out just the opposite: I have died, my child. I have been covered in your blood, and your dirt and wounds, and in your lonely misery. Yours! Willingly, for love of you. I have. It is already done. And now, I stand here with you, and as I always have I love you. But now I have made myself such that you can grasp me; I am flesh and blood, like you. All you have suffered, I have suffered--and all you are ashamed of I too was ashamed of, with you. It is too late; you cannot stop me. I have already united myself to your deepest secrets and your most hidden shame. Nothing is left to be hidden. And do you think that if I would go so far as to die for you, I will give up on you so easily now? No, my beloved, you must gather strength. Look; you have withdrawn from me; but never I from you. I am within you, still. And I have all my strength to give you. I know your own is not enough; but now you must realize it for yourself. And I know: deep down, you feel that if you can but bathe yourself a little; if you can clothe yourself again and manage to stand--then, then you will be able to approach me and look me in the face. But that is why you have no clothes; that is why you are cold and in darkness. It was only ever I that kept you clean, only I that clothed you. It was only because of me that you could see; only with me that you ever were able to stand. Yes, you did not know your own weakness; and, suddenly, it came upon you full force, and you were ashamed. And you hid; but the only remedy was to call out my name -- or just whisper it, over and over -- and wait for me to come. You will never make yourself worthy; only I can do that. I made you; you are mine. Stand before me, naked, unclean, weak and ill. Come, my child -- come! If you cannot come, then call, and I will come. Look at me; hold me if you cannot bear to look. But do not let go; do not let the darkness whisper new lies to you and coax you into its false safety again. For it longs to devour you. I, my love, long to make you whole.

In me, you will not hide your misery, but triumph over it, because you will become a vessel for my power. My strength is made perfect in weakness: I show my power through it. You will be a great child of mine: for I will make you great. What is mine will be yours.

But the choice you must first make between life and death is before you even now. My love is here: I offer it to you, and I call you. I am nearby: do not withdraw from me! Turn your face to me, my love; give me your hand. Let me raise you up and breathe upon you; let me kiss your forehead with life. Be wedded to me, and I will give you eternal life. Death waits at the door: master it, in my strength, for I AM its conqueror already.

I AM. And you are my beloved.